non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
