I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Randomize
