i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
In America we eat man semen.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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