u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
