Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Bang-toberfest begins!!
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Randomize
