haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
