walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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