id be glad to
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
