i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
