Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
