whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
