Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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