Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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