also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
