At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
