Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
