matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
