you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
