I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
