I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
