she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
