it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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