My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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