I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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