ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
it was like his penis was on wheels.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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