I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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