Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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