I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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