Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
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