You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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