how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
