Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
