I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
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