Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
