Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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