i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
