peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
