Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
