just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Randomize
