i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
