Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Randomize
