fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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