Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
