Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
