Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
