Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Randomize
