Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
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