two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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