I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
