Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
