We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
