guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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