I want to make a zoo with you.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
