i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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