when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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