you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
