FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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